i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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