my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I know her cup size but not her name....
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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