He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
Randomize
