he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
How does one acquire holy water?
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
