I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Randomize