i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
