At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Randomize