It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
