I molested 6 butterflies tonight
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
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