I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize
