I looked at my own cervix.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
