Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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