one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Randomize
