Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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