Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
