have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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