i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Randomize
