my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
