He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
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