Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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