i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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