What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
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