i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
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