If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Randomize
