If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
