Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
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