They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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