I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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