you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize