i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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