He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Randomize
