Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
