I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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