well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
