Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
