oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
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