He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
