And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
