Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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