Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize