If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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