I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
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