I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
