Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Randomize
