OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Randomize
