Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Randomize
