I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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