This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Randomize