so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
You ruined the universe
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize
