I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
