i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Did we literally take a cab across the street
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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