The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
