haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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