I think my fart just growled at me.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
