but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
