You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
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