Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
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