so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
