I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
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