really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Randomize
