Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
