Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
