I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Randomize
