Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize