How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
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