Swine flu. Run for my life!
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Randomize
