I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Randomize
