Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize