So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
