found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
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there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
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