I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
