stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
