I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
