never play flip cup with pint glasses
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Randomize
