i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
