I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
pop tarts are not kleenex
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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