My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize