Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
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