I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
