i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
MIDGETS
????
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
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