my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
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