on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Randomize
