I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
