Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
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