I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
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