no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
