I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
